So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
