I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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