Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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