Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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