no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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