There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
