ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
