There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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