ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
