Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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