The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
