Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
