How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
