I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
