btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
