Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
