I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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