I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
