you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
