Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
