Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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