I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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