you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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