but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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