Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I love having hate sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
