dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
