We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
