I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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