i don't like sucking hair
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
