So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
