i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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