I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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