so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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