I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
