Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
