it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
