man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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