hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
