your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
