I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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