wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it because I queefed?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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