Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
