I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
