u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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