Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
