i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
