But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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