what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
