hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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