why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
